Monday, 16 November 2009

Return Journey

Little Roo went back to Russia. The outbound flight from the Regional airport was delayed due to fog meaning another dash for the connecting flight in Switzerland. One security guard stated sternly: “Flying to Moscow? You still have to wait in the queue!”. Then another woman came and said “Flying to Moscow? You’d better run!”. Little Roo was, of course, behind the woman who was trying to send her baby seat through the security x-ray machine with the baby still inside it, whilst the frustrated official shouted in ten different languages “Take your baby out of the seat!”. She is beginning to suspect the motives of her suitcase, which then went on another city-break: this time in Zurich (once is an accident, but twice?).

All was well on the flight until the normally reassuring information on the mini-screens in the cabin began to show strange and alarming things. The red arrow indicating progress towards the destination turned back on itself and made lots of squiggles. Domodedevo Airport was closed due to heavy snowfall. After endlessly circling, the pilot decided to land anyway, though no-one had bothered to clear the snow from the runway. The passengers at the back began to clap as the wheels touched the ground: “Hang on a minute. We’ve still got to STOP yet!”, screamed Little Roo (in her head) as the plane skidded towards the airport building. After waiting for the case that was never going to arrive, Little Roo reported it missing - which took a trip to three different offices, filling every form in duplicate even though she was sat next to a photocopier. Then it all had to be translated into Russian. By the time Little Roo entered the Arrivals Hall, it was nearly two hours since the expected time of arrival and the driver was nowhere to be seen. She was stalked by an unofficial taxi driver (they are a shady bunch) who was determined that she was going to be his next fare (or is next meal?). A few impatient calls to the put-upon PA and all was well.

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Moscow Hairstyles

Back in England, Little Roo made an urgent appointment at the hairdressers. Reader: let this be a warning to you – never give the hairdresser any creative freedom. The hairdresser was going for a Farah-Fawcett-meets-Anthea-Turner style which turned into a Dougal-from-the-Magic-Roundabout-meets-Les-from-the-Bay-City-Rollers look. Now with her new fur-trimmed Parka, Little Roo resembles Trisha Yates from Grange Hill. For anyone who doesn’t understand these 1970s references (weren’t you watching ‘Life on Mars’?), it’s safe to say that Little Roo was disappointed. But all is not lost, as Moscow is the home of strange retro haircuts. It is a widely known fact that all Russian hairdressers attend the same hairdressing school, where they learn the three standard haircuts for men: the mullet (for men in muscle T-shirts), the crew cut (for skinny men) and the fuzzy bush with goatee beard (for overweight men). Women also have a choice of three styles: the long, blonde and ironed flat (for trophy wives), the 1950s perm (for babushkas), and the German-style spikey mullet with optional red dye (for people with no taste).